Refreshing...

Ne-yo - Better today

If the only one happiness in life is to love and be loved, what happens to a person who loses love and isn't loved anymore? Does that person lose the only happiness they had in their life or do they live their life unhappy? One thing I know is, I don't want neither of them to happen to me...


Yesterday was such a bad day. The first and hopefully the last in the month of April. I don't know what got into me. Well, I clearly do know what made me feel so emotional. Is it normal for a person to just feel like crap for one given day of the week? 'Cause yesterday was that day for me. I felt crazy, erratic, and helpless. One thing that I do to try and calm myself down is to work out or play basketball. Like seriously, I have problems that I can't ignore. Problems with family, life in general.

I know I shouldn't mention details, but my life is so dysfunctional. With every aspect of my life, whether its with family, school, friends, love, etc. I don't want to keep my feelings bottled up, but that's what I'm forced to do. I know it isn't good for me to do, but I have no choice. I feel like, if I spill my guts out and say what I'm truly feeling, I'll just hear the same thing over and over again. Plus, I know every advice I get will just be the opposite of what I want to hear.

I have to admit that when I was playing basketball yesterday, I had to force myself to hold back my tears because I was just feeling so helpless. I didn't know what to do, so I punished and pushed myself to my limits just to overload the physical pain from the emotional pain. It probably isn't a healthy or wise thing to do, but I don't know/have any alternatives to it. Then later, I was in the patio trying to cool down from my basketball session and just watched the moon for about 30 minutes. I proudly admit I let out all my pain. Staring at the moon drew it all out of me and I think I really needed that moment.

I don't think time is moving fast enough. They say "Time heals all wounds." It may be true, but the process is such a difficult thing to go through and "Time" becomes the enemy. I didn't want to resort to blogging in order to let out my frustration and let the whole world see it, but I think it'll ease my mind and I hope that advice I get will help me get through the challenges I'm facing and help me grow into a much stronger person...

On a light note: If you haven't noticed yet, you might be asking yourself why the banner looks a little different. Well, you're right! Every time you come to my blog, a random banner will appear. Pressing F5 will refresh the page and you'll get a chance to see a randomly chosen banner. I don't want kill your excitement and anticipation, there are a total of 11 banners [created by yours truly] that appear. Thanks to Jomo for helping me out. Check out his blog! http://xjomox.blogspot.com/